Disorder in the Court

These are from a book called Disorder in the Court, and are things people actually said in court.
___________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
____________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_______________________________________________

ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget.
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
________________

ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
________________________________________________________

ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan

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ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?
WITNESS: We both do.
ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
WITNESS: We do.
ATTORNEY: You do?
WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
__________________

ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning ?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
________________

ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-one year old, how old is he?
WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
___________________________

ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
____________________

ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
WITNESS: Yes.
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Uh....
____________________

ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
WITNESS: None.
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
____________________

ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death.
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
____________________

ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
___________________

ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
____________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
____________________

ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
WITNESS: Oral.
_____________________

ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
TTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! _____________________

ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Huh?
__________________________

ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No.
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.

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have a nice day. ~sapphoq

WINDOWS SOURCE CODE

"HighContrast mode is turned on. This totally fucks our style sheet as most of it will " ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/shell/applets/welcome/html/webapp.cpp)

"The user fucked up." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/windbg64/debugger/tl/remote/shell/windbgrm .c)

"!!!this is fucked if a map goes to multiple physical devices." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/windows/shell/control/midi/map.c)

"BUGBUG - DON'T DO THIS SHIT." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/inet/wininet/urlcache/conman.cxx)

"This shit's read only." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/shell/ext/netplwiz/mnddlg.cpp)

"Some ugly shit goin' on here!" ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/shell/win16/commctrl/ctl3d.c)

"Let's do some magic shit so the compiler generates 'good' code." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private/windows/media/avi/msrle/rle.c)

"We have to do this only because Exchange is a moron." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private\shell\ext\ftp\ftpdrop.cpp)

"God, I hate this hack ..." ~ Windows 2000 source code (private\inet\mshtml\src\site\layout\flowlyt.cxx)

"CallProc32W is insane. It's a variadic function that uses the pascal calling convention. (It probably makes more sense when you're stoned.)" ~ Windows 2000 source code (private\shell\ext\tweakui\genthunk.c)

"These undocumented messages are used by Excel 5.0" ~ Windows 2000 source code (private\mvdm\wow32\wcntl32.c)


--today i am really really grateful that i am not a programmer working for micro$oft.
~sapphoq

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AN UBER CHRISTIAN

TOP TEN SIGNS YOU'RE AN UBER CHRISTIAN


10- You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of your god.

9- You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from lesser life forms, but you have no problem with the biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

8- You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a trinity god.

7- Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how god/jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "joshua" -- including women, children, and trees!

6- You laugh at hindu beliefs that deify humans, and greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the holy spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

5- You are willing to spend your life looking for little loop-holes in the scientifically established age of the earth (4.55 billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by pre-historic tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that the earth is a couple of generations old.

4- You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects -- will spend eternity in an infinite hell of suffering. And yet you consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving".

3- While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to prove christianity.

2- You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of god.

1- You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the bible, christianity, and church history -- but still call yourself a christian.


Call it pagan payback or call it what you will.

~raging sapphoq

thanks to ischade and others for pointing me to this little gem of a list.

btw, comments are now set to blogger folks only due to an anonymous comment some time ago reacting to sapphoq blogging about her own experience with an alleged diploma mill alleged tbi cognitive art therapist specialist.
sapphoq reserves all rights to publish any hateful comments or hate e-mail received and will publish same on other venues on the internet.

THE CHRISTIAN STATE OF MISSOURI 3/5/06

: "SECOND REGULAR SESSION
House Concurrent Resolution No. 13
93RD GENERAL ASSEMBLY
4572L.02I


Whereas, our forefathers of this great nation of the United States recognized a Christian God and used the principles afforded to us by Him as the founding principles of our nation; and


Whereas, as citizens of this great nation, we the majority also wish to exercise our constitutional right to acknowledge our Creator and give thanks for the many gifts provided by Him; and


Whereas, as elected officials we should protect the majority's right to express their religious beliefs while showing respect for those who object; and


Whereas, we wish to continue the wisdom imparted in the Constitution of the United States of America by the founding fathers; and


Whereas, we as elected officials recognize that a Greater Power exists above and beyond the institutions of mankind:


Now, therefore, be it resolved by the members of the House of Representatives of the Ninety-third General Assembly, Second Regular Session, the Senate concurring therein, that we stand with the majority of our constituents and exercise the common sense that voluntary prayer in public schools and religious displays on public property are not a coalition of church and state, but rather the justified recognition of the positive role that Christianity has played in this great nation of ours, the United States of America."

~we live in frightening times. this resolution was recently introduced in missouri. the majority can never speak to the needs of the minorities.

~enraged sapphoq

SAPPHOQ REVIEWS

do check out my new blog at http://sapphoqreviews.blogspot.com if you like to read books. there are no naughty books to be reviewed there, just stuff that i am currently reading and really like.

~sapphoq