Saturday, March 31, 2007
The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.
Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.
The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.
A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.
The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.
To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.
Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.
Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.
A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.
The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.
The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.
English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.
A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.
Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.
It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.
For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.
For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.
For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.
For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.
Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.
Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.
When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.
a big shout-out to ellie from sapphoq n friends
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
Hanna was tired of the stigma of her blond hair being associated with her level of intelligence. She was, after all, an accomplished actress and after years of acting she even was credited with roles having a few lines of dialogue.
"It's my hair color. That's what's holding me back. That's why no one takes me seriously and it's time to do something," Hanna said to herself. So off Hanna went to Hollywood's finest hairdresser and had her hair color changed to brunette. No expense was spared.
Hanna felt wonderful. No more supporting roles. No more being the brunt of jokes. She would now be given the respect she deserved. The burden lifted, Hanna decided to show off her new found confidence.
Hanna got into her sporty red convertible, top down, her dark locks shimmering in the sunlight as it was tossed to and fro in the wind.
She drove through the city into the country. The air was crisp. The colors of nature abounded. Suddenly Hanna noticed something ahead and proceeded to slow her car to a stop.
It was a flock of black sheep. "Oh how cute they are," she thought. "Especially the young ones." She remained there unaware of time, falling in love with the cute young animals.
Suddenly she noticed a man with a staff in his hand. It was the shepherd. Hanna got out of her car and approached him.
With her new found confidence, her dark hair, Hanna boldly propositioned the shepherd thusly, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, may I have one?" The shepherd thought for a moment. "My flock is very large, too large to be counted to the exact number." Hanna was persistent and the shepherd agreed.
"5,272," Hanna stated. The shepherd was stunned. "You're right! Go get your prize."
Hanna strolled through the flock, like a lady shopping tor a dress, each one had to be seen, touched... until the perfect one was found. Hanna was sure she had picked the best, the most beautiful... She put her prize lovingly into the passenger seat of her car. "I am indeed intelligent," she thought, "not at all deserving of being called a dumb blond."
The shepherd approached Hanna's car. Bending down slightly, he placed his arm on the door. He looked Hanna in the eyes as if to say good-bye. Then. In a soft, gentle polite voice he asked Hanna, "If I can guess the color of your natural hair, can I have my dog back?"
Friday, March 23, 2007
These days are the days of riding the wind.
The crows are screaming. They have been scalded
and are even now hot-footing it out of town.
The dragons are enveloping the unicorns in stinging dust.
The sun melts. Crystalline shadows rock and gyrate
to a deeper truth. Rotting pumpkins in the patch
snark and snicker; rave, rant, curse. The clouds,
damn the clouds with their toxic crystal vision.
Like Pilate, a youngun asks, "What is truth?"
Where is the Philosopher? Send in the crowds.
The young will all forget as the winds blast them away,
screaming like triumphant worms.
Crowds of gyrating puppets enter stage left,
chanting something about what they learned in
Language Arts. We are rocking out on magicks.
Eat my socks! It's predators, not preditors.
sapphoq n friends
Thursday, March 15, 2007
A big shout-out to Rebecca who sent me this gem today. The original is reproduced below as found at http://realmagic.com/articles/60/2160.html . It is copyrighted 2001 by Raven Gilmartin and the permission to use and link appears as it does on the realmagic dot com site. Sometimes in the land of pagans and heathens we get caught up in serious debates and we forget to laugh. -sapphoq n friends
On-Line Coven Initiation Ritual Log[credits]
by Raven Gilmartin
I wrote this as stress relief. A very heated argument was occurring in my "Pagan Realm e-group" , and I got tired of arguing and correcting people about what I really said and didn't say... Any way, this helped me to get my sense of humor back..
Oh, and by the way..
THIS IS A JOKE PEOPLE!
Logging 2-14-01 23:01:34 pm EST
HPS>> Before we start our initiation ritual, I have an announcement.
Fluffy Moon Ferret has totally burned out her hard drive and
probably won't be able to get back on line for at least two weeks
EAST>> Darn! She was going to teach us how to make cyber corn
dollies next week :-(
HP>> Can I suggest that we table this and get down to business?
HP>> We're about to start the initiation ritual. Is everyone ready?
INITIATE>> I am ready
~~(1 minute pause)~~
~~(1 minute pause)~~
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot
HPS>> Ok, we are all here. Initiate, are you skyclad and ready?
INITIATE>> Not yet-- hold on, I need to get a pillow
INITIATE>>Yes, I have a metal chair here at my desk. OK-- BRB
~~(2 minute pause)~~
INITIATE>> Ok, I am ready and skyclad
HPS>>Good, now do you have the cord?
INITIATE>> Yes, I have an orange one I got on sale at the fabric
store today, is that ok?
HP>>It will have to do. OK, now, tie your hands behind your
back, then bring the cord up around your neck...
INITIATE>>Ummm.... I can't do that by myself..
HPS>>Do you have anyone there to help you?
INITIATE>>Only my mom, but she would kill me if she knew
what I was doing in here
HP>>OK, forget the cord. Do you have the blindfold?
INITIATE>>Yes, I do
HPS>>OK, put the blindfold on and don't peek while we cast the
circle. Give us about four minutes
INITIATE>>OK, I'm going to put the blindfold on now, how will
I know when you are ready for me?
HP>>Do you have an alarm clock?
INITIATE>>Yes, but it's in my room
HP>>Can you go get it?
INITIATE>>Yes, but I'd have to put my clothes on-- my mom is
in the next room
HPS>>Never mind, just put on the blindfold and count to 240
~~(4 minute pause)~~
~~(1 minute pause)
HPS>>Maybe he got disconnected?
INITIATE>>I am here-- are you ready for me?
HPS>>Yes, the circle is cast. Do you have your sword?
HP>>Yes, while you imagine that I am holding my sword with
the tip against your heart I want you to hold your sword in the
INITIATE>>I don't have a sword..
HP>>Do you have an athame?
HP>>Do you have anything sharp in there?
INITIATE>>There's a pen on the desk..
HP>>Ok, point the pen at your heart
HP>>How do you enter this circle?
INITIATE>>In perfect love and perfect trust
HPS>>Good, now I need to whisper the sacred words to you
HPS>>Yes, do you have two phone lines? I can call you with them
INITIATE>>No, only one
HPS>>Ok, I'll e-mail them to you BRB
**HPS has left the chat room**
~~(1 minute pause)~~
**HPS has joined the chat room**
HPS>>Ok, I mailed them
INITIATE>>OK, I'll go look
**INITIATE has left the chat room**
~~(1 minute pause)~~
**INITIATE has joined the chatroom**
INITIATE>>I can't get into my hotmail-- I keep getting a message
that the servers are down
HPS>>OK, you can get them later. Now imagine that I am pushing
you from behind into the circle
HPS>>Yes, kinda like you are tilted, I am holding on to the cord.
Oh wait.. no cord.. ok, just pretend I am pushing you into the circle
HPS>>Now we are going to go around the circle three times.
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HPS>>Now we're stopping in front of the altar and I am holding the
HP>>You must kneel at the altar while the High Priestess scourges
INITIATE>>Do you want me to imagine that I am kneeling in
front of the altar or do you really want me to kneel in front of my
HP>>Can you kneel and still see the screen?
HPS>>If he kneels he must also put his head down on the floor
HP>>Well, I guess he can't kneel then
HPS>>Yes, he can, I have an idea. Initiate--kneel and put your head
to the floor and imagine that I am scourging you
HPS>>I am now scourging you
~~(2 minute pause)~~
HPS>>Initiate you must now scourge me twice as many times
~~(1 minute pause)
INITATE>> I am here, now what do I need to do?
HP>>You must imagine that you are scourging the High Priestess
WEST>>I need to go-- the baby woke up and needs to be fed
HP>>Can you feed him at the computer?
WEST>>Yes, I'll bring him back here with me. North, can you cut
me a door?
~~( 1 minute pause)~~
WEST>>I really need to go-- the baby is crying
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot
HP>>Can you cut West a door? NOW?
NORTH>>OK, all set
**WEST has left the chatroom**
HPS>> Ok, should we continue or wait until West comes back?
SOUTH>>I think we should continue
EAST>>We should wait
**WEST has joined the chatroom**
WEST>>I am back, North can you cut me back in?
~~( 1minute pause)~~
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot. West you are all set
HP>>Ok, where were we?
HPS>>The initiate has to scourge me. I am going to kneel down
here now, and imagine that he is plying the scourge
INITIATE>>Ok, I am imagining that I am scourging the High Priestess
~~( 2 minute pause)~~
INITIATE>>I am done
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HPS>>I need to go right now
HP>>Why? We are not finished here
HPS>>I banged my head on the desk when I got up-- hard-- I am
bleeding all over my computer. I need to go to the ER for stitches
**HPS has left the chatroom**
HP>>OK, we'll make this a healing circle instead
INITIATE>>I have to go too, my mom is in the hallway screaming
and wants to know what I am doing
**INITIATE has left the chatroom**
HP>> OK, everyone go light candles and we'll try to do this again
Logging off 2-15-01 01:32:41 am EST
Wednesday, March 14, 2007
There is a wisdom that penetrates these words. And if we allow it, it can also penetrate our lives. The difference between power and control may be a subtle one, but it is a very real one nonetheless. Acceptance is not a synonym for approval.
sapphoq and friends
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
It's fun to cook for Tom. Today I made angel food cake. The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.
Tom wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a surprise when Tom brought a friend home for supper.
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kind of silly but I took a bath anyway. I can't say it improved the rice any.
Today Tom asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It said prepare ingredients, lay on a bed of lettuce one hour before serving. Tom asked me why I was rolling around in the garden.
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put the ingredients in a bowl and beat it. There must have been something wrong with this recipe. When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.
Tom did the shopping today and brought home a chicken. He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy). For some reason Tom keeps counting to ten.
Tom's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve roast, but all I had was hamburger. Suddenly I had a flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger, much to my disappointment.
Good night dear diary. This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Tom. If I can talk him into buying a bigger oven, I would like to surprise him with chocolate moose.
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
The following is a post I wrote in response to a question that someone posed about "bunny hunters and bunny stuff" in an e-group I currently belong to. Please note I am publishing this here at this blog in order to potentially save a few readers some trouble of locating it. Also, I make no apologies for having socks. Socks do not a troll or predator make. Some of you also have socks and maybe even more than one or two e-mail boxes. And finally, those things that appear in a slightly different color are things that I added for the sake of clarity:
WHAT IS A BUNNY HUNTER AND ALL THIS BUNNY STUFF GOING ON?
Ready access to "how to be a witch" or those "handy-dandy spells" books has caused some of us folks to raise an alarm because being a witch is not an easy path. It requires much self-discipline and some willingness to search and research. The popularized books leave those parts out.
The reconstructionists ["recons"] and the eclectics in particular seem to butt heads fairly often because of their different styles. Newbies to the pagan/witch/heathen community are sometimes referred to as "fluffy bunnies," and the "fluffiness--"
It is generally hoped that we all grow out of the "fluffy bunny" stage. Or at least the parts that mix and match pantheons and don't stick with historical research and perhaps aren't willing [or don't know how] to do the internal work. [Or, the pink cloud stage.] There is a cost to doing this work. It is not free.
....The particular club has as its' aim to educate or reform or shut down the particularly troublesome [to them] fluffies. Some of the folks in the group are well-known in the pagan community, including at least 2 published writers and a handful of elders with much experience.
At least one of us who has been targeted has years of experience on what is commonly called L.H.P., or a left-hand path; a second [or is she a sock?] is a nobody in the pagan world who has added to the controversy by writing really bad poetry. A third has a serious medical condition which is now being successfully treated-- however true healing takes much time. A fourth isn't even a pagan but a soon-to-be-guest writer on a collaborative blog. [Two of us who have acted in less than honorable ways have made public apologies for our past behavior. One of those two is me.]
However, it can be done. I am continuing with my life, comfortable with my L.H.P. and secure in knowing who I am. Because it is not about what other people think about me today, it is about what I KNOW (about me)-- to paraphrase Nathaniel Branden.
The best thing that any human being can do to protect themselves against any sort of bullying is to do the internal work required to develop or to maintain a good healthy self-esteem. The best thing that any witch or wiccan or heathen or pagan or other can do is to do the search and research. In other words, remember that things are not always the way they appear to be. People are not always the way people appear to be. And wherever you go, NEVER leave your brains in front of any doorway before entering therein.
Blessed be indeed!
a.k.a. sapphoq n friends !
Who am I?
*I have been involved with the occult and rootwork and pagan pursuits for more than half of my life.
*I am a witch. I believe that we are Divinity. I don't much care about any "afterlife."
*I don't belong to any covens, I have no titles or degrees or initiations.
*I teach no one. I claim no extraordinary knowledge. I stifle my inner mystic.
*My practice is solitary although I do get together with other folks on a variety of paths
when I feel like it and I have had and continue to have spiritual teachers or mentors.
*I am not a wiccan. I have not followed "the Wiccan Rede" or the "Law of Three" ever. [I
came in long before those popularized books and quite frankly, I had never heard of those
things early on and middle on. It appears that my first teacher hadn't either.]
*I have my own set of ethics.
*I have recently named myself a satanist in philosophy although not in theology.
*I have some long-term blogs. I have abandoned two blogs-- I hate msn spaces.
*I have two domains. Resistant-witches is one of them. No surprises there.
*I "own" one e-group, moderate another, and am a member of many.
*I am healing. I have a traumatic brain injury caused by a car accident. The driver behind
me was high on marijuana. I do have some permanent neurological effects from the t.b.i.
*I am a published writer [off-line: print-- the forgotten medium!]
*I have been clean since the fall of 1980. I am bisexual but faithful to my marriage partner.
We currently share our home with a dog and three uppity cats. I am a keeper of frogs.
Again, no surprises there either.
*I am actively involved in disability culture and in the fight for civil rights for all civils.
*I am opposed to illegal immigration and some other stuff.
*I have been doing computer art since last summer, my art was in one art show last summer,
and I am learning how to do simple animations with The GIMP.
*I read primarily computer books and travel books. Nikolai calls me a "nerd" and a "hacker."
*I became obsessed with e-mail addys a year or two ago and I have far more than 12 e-email
boxes. I had one serious sock but I abandoned her when she turned out to be nicer than me.
*The word "snark" is one I just learned recently. Those of you with snarky comments to
make can take yourselves over to http://witch-wars-report.blogspot.com/ and/or to your own internet lairs. This is my little piece of the internet, my lair [thanks to blogspot.]
Saturday, March 03, 2007
Lost in a tangle of space and no-space,
we plead our cases with silence and bloody screams.
From fluid we all ooze slowly ever so slowly into arid sands.
Seeking saturation-- there is no satiation, truly--
of the hunger driving us relentlessly into
the shelter of our graves.
sapphoq n friends
Friday, March 02, 2007
At one time in my life, I thought I had a handle on the meaning of the word
"It's the act of doing things for other people."
Then I recall that during wartime, lots of people were in the "Service"
Then I heard these terms which reference the word SERVICE:
Border Services Agency
Security Intelligence Service
Then I became confused about the word "service." This is not what I thought
So today, I overheard two farmers talking, and one of them said he had hired
a bull to "service" a few of his cows. BAM! It all came into perspective.
Now I understand what all those "service" agencies are doing to us.
a big shout-out to Marc. sapphoq n friends