A big shout-out to Rebecca who sent me this gem today. The original is reproduced below as found at http://realmagic.com/articles/60/2160.html . It is copyrighted 2001 by Raven Gilmartin and the permission to use and link appears as it does on the realmagic dot com site. Sometimes in the land of pagans and heathens we get caught up in serious debates and we forget to laugh. -sapphoq n friends
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On-Line Coven Initiation Ritual Log[credits]
by Raven Gilmartin
I wrote this as stress relief. A very heated argument was occurring in my "Pagan Realm e-group" , and I got tired of arguing and correcting people about what I really said and didn't say... Any way, this helped me to get my sense of humor back..
Oh, and by the way..
THIS IS A JOKE PEOPLE!
Blessings!
Tarty
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Logging 2-14-01 23:01:34 pm EST
HPS>> Before we start our initiation ritual, I have an announcement.
Fluffy Moon Ferret has totally burned out her hard drive and
probably won't be able to get back on line for at least two weeks
EAST>> Darn! She was going to teach us how to make cyber corn
dollies next week :-(
HP>> Can I suggest that we table this and get down to business?
EAST>>Yes, sorry
HP>> We're about to start the initiation ritual. Is everyone ready?
WEST>> Present
EAST>> Ready
SOUTH>>Roger
INITIATE>> I am ready
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HPS>> North?
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HP>>NORTH??
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot
HPS>> Ok, we are all here. Initiate, are you skyclad and ready?
INITIATE>> Not yet-- hold on, I need to get a pillow
HP>>Pillow?
INITIATE>>Yes, I have a metal chair here at my desk. OK-- BRB
~~(2 minute pause)~~
INITIATE>> Ok, I am ready and skyclad
HPS>>Good, now do you have the cord?
INITIATE>> Yes, I have an orange one I got on sale at the fabric
store today, is that ok?
HP>>It will have to do. OK, now, tie your hands behind your
back, then bring the cord up around your neck...
INITIATE>>Ummm.... I can't do that by myself..
HPS>>Do you have anyone there to help you?
INITIATE>>Only my mom, but she would kill me if she knew
what I was doing in here
HP>>OK, forget the cord. Do you have the blindfold?
INITIATE>>Yes, I do
HPS>>OK, put the blindfold on and don't peek while we cast the
circle. Give us about four minutes
INITIATE>>OK, I'm going to put the blindfold on now, how will
I know when you are ready for me?
HP>>Do you have an alarm clock?
INITIATE>>Yes, but it's in my room
HP>>Can you go get it?
INITIATE>>Yes, but I'd have to put my clothes on-- my mom is
in the next room
HPS>>Never mind, just put on the blindfold and count to 240
INITIATE>>OK
~~(4 minute pause)~~
HPS>> Initiate?
~~(1 minute pause)
HP>>INITIATE??
HPS>>Maybe he got disconnected?
INITIATE>>I am here-- are you ready for me?
HPS>>Yes, the circle is cast. Do you have your sword?
INITIATE>>Sword?
HP>>Yes, while you imagine that I am holding my sword with
the tip against your heart I want you to hold your sword in the
same way
INITIATE>>I don't have a sword..
HP>>Do you have an athame?
INITIATE>>no..
HP>>Do you have anything sharp in there?
INITIATE>>There's a pen on the desk..
HP>>Ok, point the pen at your heart
INITIATE>>OK
HP>>How do you enter this circle?
INITIATE>>In perfect love and perfect trust
HPS>>Good, now I need to whisper the sacred words to you
INITIATE>>whisper?
HPS>>Yes, do you have two phone lines? I can call you with them
INITIATE>>No, only one
HPS>>Ok, I'll e-mail them to you BRB
**HPS has left the chat room**
~~(1 minute pause)~~
**HPS has joined the chat room**
HPS>>Ok, I mailed them
INITIATE>>OK, I'll go look
**INITIATE has left the chat room**
~~(1 minute pause)~~
**INITIATE has joined the chatroom**
INITIATE>>I can't get into my hotmail-- I keep getting a message
that the servers are down
HPS>>OK, you can get them later. Now imagine that I am pushing
you from behind into the circle
INITIATE>>from behind?
HPS>>Yes, kinda like you are tilted, I am holding on to the cord.
Oh wait.. no cord.. ok, just pretend I am pushing you into the circle
INITIATE>>Ok
HPS>>Now we are going to go around the circle three times.
INITIATE>>OK
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HPS>>Now we're stopping in front of the altar and I am holding the
scourge
INITIATE>>OK
HP>>You must kneel at the altar while the High Priestess scourges
you
INITIATE>>Do you want me to imagine that I am kneeling in
front of the altar or do you really want me to kneel in front of my
computer?
HP>>Can you kneel and still see the screen?
HPS>>If he kneels he must also put his head down on the floor
HP>>Well, I guess he can't kneel then
HPS>>Yes, he can, I have an idea. Initiate--kneel and put your head
to the floor and imagine that I am scourging you
INITIATE>>OK
HPS>>I am now scourging you
~~(2 minute pause)~~
HPS>>Initiate you must now scourge me twice as many times
~~(1 minute pause)
HPS>>Initiate?
HP>>INITIATE???
INITATE>> I am here, now what do I need to do?
HP>>You must imagine that you are scourging the High Priestess
WEST>>I need to go-- the baby woke up and needs to be fed
HP>>Can you feed him at the computer?
WEST>>Yes, I'll bring him back here with me. North, can you cut
me a door?
~~( 1 minute pause)~~
WEST>>I really need to go-- the baby is crying
HP>>NORTH??
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot
HP>>Can you cut West a door? NOW?
NORTH>>OK, all set
**WEST has left the chatroom**
HPS>> Ok, should we continue or wait until West comes back?
SOUTH>>I think we should continue
EAST>>We should wait
**WEST has joined the chatroom**
WEST>>I am back, North can you cut me back in?
~~( 1minute pause)~~
HP>>NORTH!!!
NORTH>>Sorry, I had to reboot. West you are all set
HP>>Ok, where were we?
HPS>>The initiate has to scourge me. I am going to kneel down
here now, and imagine that he is plying the scourge
INITIATE>>Ok, I am imagining that I am scourging the High Priestess
~~( 2 minute pause)~~
INITIATE>>I am done
HP>>Priestess?
~~(1 minute pause)~~
HPS>>I need to go right now
HP>>Why? We are not finished here
HPS>>I banged my head on the desk when I got up-- hard-- I am
bleeding all over my computer. I need to go to the ER for stitches
**HPS has left the chatroom**
HP>>OK, we'll make this a healing circle instead
INITIATE>>I have to go too, my mom is in the hallway screaming
and wants to know what I am doing
**INITIATE has left the chatroom**
HP>> OK, everyone go light candles and we'll try to do this again
tomorrow night
**Chatroom closed**
Logging off 2-15-01 01:32:41 am EST
Article by Raven Gilmartin
ravengil@hotmail.com
http://www.geocities.com/ravengil2/
© 2001 Raven Gilmartin
Permission is granted to use/link
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