TALKING TIPS 12/27/06

Christmas day we were driving up a mountain on the way to a relative's house. I saw a wooden rooster that someone had created standing in a yard. It was made of blonde wood and about four feet high. I could not think of the word "rooster" and I tried to say, "Look at the cock." What came out was, "Look at the crow."

The process usually goes like this. I cannot think of a word so I substitute another one which sounds like the one I want and has the same approximate meaning. Sometimes, I get sounds mixed up which can further complicate things but not always. Once in awhile, I've got the correct word [not a substitution] but some of the sounds change places. Consequently, a word may get to sounding a bit off. This has become something that I am becoming used to happening once in awhile. Others in my life either don't notice, don't acknowledge it, or try to correct the wrong-sounding word.

Those who don't notice or don't acknowledge something odd goes on with an occasional word or sentence I don't mind so much. Those who try to correct the word usually get a protest from me, "Did you understand what I meant?" followed by, "Well, what does it matter?"

I figure as long as I can convey a basic idea, that should be good enough in most all circumstances.

So my first two talking tips for the talker [me] are:
1. Take my time to talk and slow down if I need to.
2. As long as they can get what I am trying to tell them, it doesn't matter if the words are not quite right.

And for the listener:
1. Allow me a bit of time to process a thought and finish words. Constantly interrupting or completing or correcting is annoying.
2. As long as you can get the general jist of what I am trying to tell you, it doesn't matter if the words not exact in meaning or pronunciation. You are not my English teacher.

And my biggest tip for the listener:
3. If I want your help, I will ask for it.

My biggest tip for my self:
3. Defensiveness is the antithesis of meaningful communication.


sapphoq n friends

TAKING THE FUN OUT OF dysFUNctional 12/23/06

Tis the season to have to put up with those who had the nerve to keep on living.
I offer this guide on surviving get-togethers with those people who installed our buttons,
our families.

1. If they have a computer, you are home free. You can do what I am doing now, install yourself away from the chaos and work on various computer projects. You can pretend you are home. You only have to surface long enough to eat and open presents. Nerds are sposed to be anti-social and geeky anyways.

2. Cancel the holidays. Don't care for Christmas, Chaunakah, Yule, Solstice, or other.? Don't bother with them. Send out a tersely worded postcard informing your family that this year you aren't going to bother with any of it. Save your money, your time, and your sanity.

3. Got kids? Farm them out to various relations and take yourself on a cruise all by yourself for yourself.

4. Been to Alanon, have ya? Revert to your old survival skills by pretending that you are far weller than any of those people. Look down your nose at any who dare to speak to you. Eat as much as you can. Take the presents and run. You don't even have to thank them for inviting you to their home. It was your due anyways.

5. Some people don't have their families any longer and others never did. Some people live in places where they are not free to celebrate religious holidays or to voice their opinions. Some people don't have the basics that you may take for granted. Some people die before they are ever born. Some people aren't sitting in front of a computer screen in a warm house waiting for extravagant dinners or the unwrapping of individually picked out brightly colored packages. After all, that's THEIR problem.

sapphoq n friends

SATURDAY NIGHT CONFESSION 12/22/06

A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church, enters a confessional booth, sits down, but says nothing.

The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there.

Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall.

The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either!"

sapphoq n friends laughing

HAPPY SOLSTICE 12/19/06

Tomorrow morning the doggie and I will be celebrating Sostice out in the woods. Tomorrow night I plan to attend a druid grove Yule.

The season of the long dark is upon us and after the darkest night follows the return of the sun. I wish for you the warmth of the sun, the comfort of the dark, the richness of the stars, the wisdom of the trees, and the love of Mother Ocean.

Blessed be!

spike q.

Happy Solstice tag created by me. You may snag it by right-clicking and saving to your pictures, alter it, resize it, reuse it, repost it as long as you leave the "sapphoq.com," which is printed on the bottom right.

IF MEN WROTE ADVICE COLUMNS 12/17/06

Q: My husband wants to have a threesome with me and my best friend.

A: Obviously your husband cannot get enough of you! Knowing that there is only one of you he can only settle for the next best thing your best friend. Far from being an issue, this can bring you closer together. Why not get some of your old college roommates involved too? If you are still apprehensive, maybe you should let him be with your friends without you. If you're still not sure then just perform oral sex on him and cook him a nice meal while you think about it.

Q: My husband continually asks me to perform oral sex on him.

A: Do it. Semen can help you lose weight and gives a great glow to your skin. Interestingly, men know this. His offer to allow you to perform oral sex on him is totally selfless. This shows he loves you. The best thing to do is to thank him by performing it twice a day; then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband has too many nights out with the boys

A: This is perfectly natural behavior and it should be encouraged. The Man is a hunter and he needs to prove his prowess with other men. A night out chasing young single girls is a great stress relief and can foster a more peaceful and relaxing home. Remember, nothing can rekindle your relationship better than the man being away for a day or two (it's a great time to clean the house, too)! Just look at how emotional and happy he is when he returns to his stable home. The best thing to do when he gets home is for you and your best friend to perform oral sex on him. Then cook him a nice meal.

Q: My husband doesn't know where my clitoris is.

A: Your clitoris is of no concern to your husband. If you must mess with it, do it in your own time or ask your best friend to help. You may wish to videotape yourself while doing this, and present it to your husband as a birthday gift. To ease your selfish guilt, perform oral sex on him and cook him a delicious meal.

Q: My husband is uninterested in foreplay.

A: You are a bad person for bringing it up and should seek sensitivity training. Foreplay to a man is very stressful and time consuming. Sex should be available to your husband on demand with no pesky requests for foreplay. What this means is that you do not love your man as much as you should; He should never have to work to get you in the mood. Stop being so selfish! Perhaps you can make it up to him by performing oral sex and cooking him a nice meal.

Q: My husband always has an orgasm then rolls over and goes to sleep without giving me one.

A: I'm not sure I understand the problem. Perhaps you've forgotten to cook him a nice meal.

LOST HELICOPTER 12/17/06

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

WHY I AM WHO I AM 12/14/06

1. Because I cannot be anyone else. I endorse self-congruity in my thoughts, words, and deeds.
2. Because I do not blame my parents for my own failings. I endorse self-responsibility.
3. Because I recognize that we are not our labels. I endorse self-acceptance.
4. Because I know that I am more than my problems. I endorse self-efficacy.
5. Because I know who I am. I endorse self-identity.

6. I am who I am because I have found that asking for help is not weakness.
7. I am who I am because I have found a sense of belonging where previously existed exceptionality and isolation.
8. I am who I am because today I have something to give to others and I am no longer a taker or a free-loader.
9. I am who I am because I practice acceptance of others just as they appear at this moment without trying to change, convert, or fix them.

10. I am who I am because we are who we are. We are who we are because together we celebrate our sacred ways of being in the world.

sapphoq n friends

Cherry TAP 12/11/06

Yesterday, I joined Cherry TAP which you can check out at: http://www.cherrytap.com/join.php?friend=501514 /

Cherry TAP at first glance looks rather chaotic. There's the top bar, a bunch of avatars cycling by. And the mailbox where strangers greet you and welcome you. There are also lounges-- I joined several, including the Pagan and Wicca Lounge. Photos to upload and other peoples' photos to rate. And blog or blogs to write.

Those of you who are single might find several someones to consider for further study.
Those of you who aren't might find Cherry TAP to be fun anyways.

sapphoq n friends

YOU MIGHT HAVE A TRUST PROBLEM IF... 12/8/06

You might have a trust problem if....



You answer the phone with, "What do you want now?" instead of saying hello.

You don't vote because it's a losing proposition either way.

You leave the battery warmer on the car overnight in the summer.

You tell the new hires at work not to trust anyone there-- except you.

You bring a lawyer to your annual evaluation at work and to your annual physical.

You dig a moat around your property and import alligators to fill it.

You don't answer the door unless you are expecting company. The U.P.S. guy doesn't even bother ringing the bell anymore. Come to think of it, no one rings your doorbell anymore.
You have the first retinal eye scanner installed instead of a doorbell on your block.

Your best friend doesn't know what color eyes you have because you wear those mirror sunglasses all the time.

You talk back to the television commercials. Your telephone is right next to your easy chair in the teevee room.The Better Business Bureau is on speed-dial on your telephone. You have your own private mailbox to leave messages there in.

Every time your dog or cat come in from roaming round the neighborhood, you're waiting at the door with horse's urine. Double points if it's your daughter.

Got any to add to this list?

sapphoq n friends

LL WITCH 14 SPEAKS

I am purple! I am purple inside and out. I am purple cuz I am. I like frogs and ice cream and chocolate and homemade cookies. I am a witch! and my dog is my BOS. I am fluorescent and I live on the moon. Every morning, the sun dances in my hair and the wind laughs. Every morning I sing to the moon and I send love to the ocean. The ocean is my other mother. I sprang from the ocean and I flew to the moon. I am the power of the earth. I am the power of the wind. I am the power of the fire. I am the power of the water. We are all of us each other and we are all of us no one. I am alone in my own skin. I kicked out my imaginary friend cuz she wouldn't share her ice cream. Love is love. Love is why we are here. Not to be loved but to love. I do not love everyone. That is not who I am. But I love some people fiercely. I do love me cuz that is my religion. Not the greatest poem in the universe by a long shot. Written in the persona of llwitch14. If you do not recognize the name, please goto http://radical.sapphoq.com/ and look for the stories regarding Ravenfire. spike q.

To Blondie 12/4/06

you are my friend
my true friend.
together, we have walked and ran
through many places.

you love me for me
and i love you for you.
although we are different,
together we have found love,
the universe, and everything.

you stayed by my side
during those long days
when my life slipped away in sleeping
and coffee counted the hours
until exhausted, i would sleep again.

you were there
waiting for me when i stumbled in, tired
and apologetic, unable to romp or play.
you loved me no matter what
and you still do.

you watched me sleep
and sleep more. you were happy
when i could walk again freely
without falling. together we went
wandering once again to the places
we have known and loved.

you delight in me, and i in you.
together we are the face of love.



Author's Notes: I love you Blondie.

sapphoq n friends

OF SURGERY 12/1/06

I have never met anyone with DID who claimed to have recovered through the use of rational thinking. Instead they one and all have integrated through some form of perverse psychic surgery clumsily welded by a therapist or a spiritual escapade with a man of the cloth or perhaps even a lover. That is as incomprehensible as Judge Ito's voice now narrating dinosaur re-enactment programs. My youngest nephew, of kindergarden age, can recite the species of each dinosaur and where they fit on the evolutionary tree. Painstakingly, those afflicted with living in the borderlands, describe their own family tree of what they perceive to be their internal systems as yet unhealed. Physician, first do no harm! I am not the one in the corner holding the knife.

sapphoq n friends