Damsel in Distress

shouting out to Charlotte!

A woman from New York was driving through a remote part of Arizona when her car broke down.

An American Indian on horseback came along and offered her a ride to a nearby town.

She climbed up behind him on the horse and then rode off.

The ride was uneventful, except that every few minutes the Indian would let out a "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a" so loud that it echoed from the surrounding hills.

When they arrived in town, he let her off at the local service station, yelled one final "Ye-e-e-e-h-a-a-a-a!" and rode off.

"What did you do to get that Indian so excited?" asked the service-station attendant.

"Nothing," the woman answered. "I merely sat behind him on the horse, put my arms around his waist, and held onto the saddle horn so I wouldn't fall off."

"Lady," the attendant said, "Indians don't use saddles."

Light Bulb

a big shout-out to owlie who is an angel!

How many group members does it take
To change a lightbulb?

One to change the light bulb and to post
That the light bulb has been changed.

Fourteen to share similar experiences
Of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb
Could have been changed differently.

Seven to caution about the dangers
Of changing light bulbs.

Seven more to point out spelling/grammar
Errors in posts about changing light bulbs.

Three to correct spelling/grammar errors.

Six to argue over whether it's
"lightbulb" or "light bulb".

Another six to condemn those six as stupid.

Fifteen to claim experience in
The lighting industry and give
The correct spelling.

Nineteen to post that this group is not
About light bulbs and to please take
This discussion to a lightbulb
(or light bulb) forum.

Eleven to defend the posting to the group
Saying that we all use light bulbs
And therefore the posts are relevant
To this group.

Thirty-six to debate which method
Of changing light bulbs is superior,
Where to buy the best light bulbs,
What brand of light bulbs work best
For this technique, and what brands
Are faulty.

Seven to post URLs where one can see
Examples of different light bulbs.

Four to post that the URLs were posted
Incorrectly and then post the corrected URL.

Three to post about links they found
From the URLs that are relevant
To this group which makes light bulbs
Relevant to this group.

Thirteen to link all posts to date,
Quote them in their entirety
Including all headers and signatures,
And add "Me too".

Five to post to the group that they will
No longer post because they cannot handle
The light bulb controversy.

Four to say "Didn't we go through this
Already a short time ago?"

Thirteen to say "Do a Google search
On light bulbs before posting
Questions about light bulbs."

Three to tell a funny story about
Their cat and a light bulb.

- - - AND- - -

One group lurker to respond to
The original post 6 months from now
With something unrelated and start it
All over again.

Don't take the man shopping if he don't wanna go

After Mr. and Mrs. Fenton retired, Mrs. Fenton insisted her husband accompany her on her trips to Wal-Mart. Unfortunately, Mr. Fenton was like most men--he found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunately, Mrs. Fenton was like most women--she loved to browse. One day Mrs. Fenton received the following letter From her local Wal-Mart:

Dear Mrs. Fenton,

Over the past six months, your husband has been causing quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and may be forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against Mr. Fenton are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's carts when they weren't looking.

2 . July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, "Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away."

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&M's on layaway.

6. September 14: Moved a "CAUTION - WET FLOOR" sign to a carpeted area.

7. September 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department.

8. September 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

9. October 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

10. November 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. December 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

12. December 6: In the auto department, he practiced his "Madonna look"by using different sizes of funnels.

13. December 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,yelled "PICK ME! PICK ME!"

14. December 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed "OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!"

And last, but not least...

15. December 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, "Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

Regards, Wal-Mart