EXCERPTS FROM.... 3/31/07

science exams:

The theory of evolution was greatly objected to because it made man think.

Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars.

The process of turning steam back into water again is called conversation.

A magnet is something you find crawling all over a dead cat.

The Earth makes one resolution every 24 hours.

To collect fumes of sulfur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube.

Parallel lines never meet, unless you bend one or both of them.

Algebraical symbols are used when you do not know what you are talking about.

A circle is a line which meets its other end without ending.

The pistol of a flower is its only protection against insects.

The moon is a planet just like the Earth, only it is even deader.

English sparrows and starlings eat the farmers grain and soil his corpse.

A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

Blood flows down one leg and up the other.

When you haven't got enough iodine in your blood you get a glacier.

It is a well-known fact that a deceased body harms the mind.

For fractures: to see if the limb is broken, wiggle it gently back and forth.

For dog bite: put the dog away for several days. If he has not recovered, then kill it.

For head colds: use an agonizer to spray the nose until it drops in your throat.

For asphyxiation: apply artificial respiration until the patient is dead.

Before giving a blood transfusion, find out if the blood is affirmative or negative.

Bar magnets have north and south poles, horseshoe magnets have east and west poles.

When you smell an odorless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide.

a big shout-out to ellie from sapphoq n friends

IF YOU DON'T LIKE BLOND JOKES, PLZ SKIP THIS ONE 3/28/07

a big shout out to the big six-zero from sapphoq n friends for this one:

Hanna was tired of the stigma of her blond hair being associated with her level of intelligence. She was, after all, an accomplished actress and after years of acting she even was credited with roles having a few lines of dialogue.

"It's my hair color. That's what's holding me back. That's why no one takes me seriously and it's time to do something," Hanna said to herself. So off Hanna went to Hollywood's finest hairdresser and had her hair color changed to brunette. No expense was spared.

Hanna felt wonderful. No more supporting roles. No more being the brunt of jokes. She would now be given the respect she deserved. The burden lifted, Hanna decided to show off her new found confidence.

Hanna got into her sporty red convertible, top down, her dark locks shimmering in the sunlight as it was tossed to and fro in the wind.

She drove through the city into the country. The air was crisp. The colors of nature abounded. Suddenly Hanna noticed something ahead and proceeded to slow her car to a stop.

It was a flock of black sheep. "Oh how cute they are," she thought. "Especially the young ones." She remained there unaware of time, falling in love with the cute young animals.

Suddenly she noticed a man with a staff in his hand. It was the shepherd. Hanna got out of her car and approached him.

With her new found confidence, her dark hair, Hanna boldly propositioned the shepherd thusly, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, may I have one?" The shepherd thought for a moment. "My flock is very large, too large to be counted to the exact number." Hanna was persistent and the shepherd agreed.

"5,272," Hanna stated. The shepherd was stunned. "You're right! Go get your prize."

Hanna strolled through the flock, like a lady shopping tor a dress, each one had to be seen, touched... until the perfect one was found. Hanna was sure she had picked the best, the most beautiful... She put her prize lovingly into the passenger seat of her car. "I am indeed intelligent," she thought, "not at all deserving of being called a dumb blond."

The shepherd approached Hanna's car. Bending down slightly, he placed his arm on the door. He looked Hanna in the eyes as if to say good-bye. Then. In a soft, gentle polite voice he asked Hanna, "If I can guess the color of your natural hair, can I have my dog back?"

ROCKING WORLD 3/23/07

These days are the days of riding the wind.
The crows are screaming. They have been scalded
and are even now hot-footing it out of town.

The dragons are enveloping the unicorns in stinging dust.
The sun melts. Crystalline shadows rock and gyrate
to a deeper truth. Rotting pumpkins in the patch
snark and snicker; rave, rant, curse. The clouds,
damn the clouds with their toxic crystal vision.
Like Pilate, a youngun asks, "What is truth?"
Where is the Philosopher? Send in the crowds.
The young will all forget as the winds blast them away,
screaming like triumphant worms.

Crowds of gyrating puppets enter stage left,
chanting something about what they learned in
Language Arts. We are rocking out on magicks.

Eat my socks! It's predators, not preditors.

sapphoq n friends