I'm Not An Addict

                   ~Several Days Later~


Dear Honey,

     It was wonderful to talk with you the other day.  I'm glad to hear that your pregnancy is progressing smoothly.  How I wish I could see you and hold you and feel the baby kick inside of you.  Our son!

     I'm not sure that I want to name the baby Stanley Kenneth.  It's awkward to say.  I'm not sure I like that damn Stan too much.  He won't let me near any computers.  And his mother keeps dragging me to "open" meetings of dopers.  I kept telling anyone who would listen that I'm not an addict.  I had a bad time when you left me in Newark.  I didn't know you were pregnant and I didn't know it was mine.  Finally, some old coot named Roger Dodger cornered me and took me out for coffee one night.  I told him the whole story-- that damn Stan and his scary mother both said I ought to.  Apparently he swore an oath or something.  Oh, that's right.  He is a priest.  Seal of the confessional or something like that.  I don't ever want him to babysit little Eduardo.  Only kidding about that part.  A bad joke.  Rodger Dodger is an Episcopalian priest and he lives with his lover.  And no, he doesn't like kids in that way.  Well, the point is, Rodger Dodger carefully explained to Stan and his mum that I'm not an addict.  Even so, that damn woman insists on taking me to open Narcotics Anonymous meetings.  "Shut up and listen," she told me, "Listen to learn and learn to listen."  A couple of times a week there is a meeting of families and friends of dopers at the same time.  She insists I go to that too.  And they got me all the literature.  I've read all the N.A. stuff plus all the C.O.D.A. stuff too.

     I've been calling the baby Eduardo in my head.  It's Hispanic of course.  Good with our cover when we get back together.  You can pick out the middle name, how's that?  Just not Stanley or Kenneth, okay?  (And not your dad's name or my dad's name either).  I think it will be safer for our son if his name is not connected to these two men that are helping us out.  I haven't figured out why they are doing all of this.  Just that they are.  The really good news is that damn Stan says I cannot return to Newark.  I never want to go there again.  Ever.  He said sometime after the baby comes we can settle in someplace for awhile.  The bad news is that I cannot ever show my skills at computers again.  We'll see about that.  I think I can run off of a fingerstick with a vpn and a proxy with a Linux OS.  Naturally, I'd have to have a different alias and all.  I need to hack.  That damn Stan and his mother just don't get it.  It's something that's inside of me.

                             Love Always,


                             Dree