Two Liners

a big shout-out to Paul, Richard, and the rest of the guys from sapphoqnfriends

Did you hear the one about a Chinese cook who had a frigid wife?
He was stuck between a wok and a hard place.

Why don't Scotsman have zippers on their kilts ?
The sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

What's the difference between a golfer and a skydiver?
The golfer goes Smack! Damn. The skydiver goes Damn! Smack.

The difference between an ex-lover and a vulture?
A vulture will wait until you're dead before eating your heart out.

What's the difference between a dead cat in the middle of the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road ?
There are brake marks in front of the cat.

How do you know the toothbrush was invented in Kentucky?
If it had been invented anywhere else, it would have been called a "teethbrush".

How have humans been cheated by evolution?
No wings.