Spammers Will Spam

with sincere apologies to Dr. Seuss and no intention of infringing upon Twitter's trademark, name, profits, or anything else.


I am on Twitter Inc. most every day
but I wish the spammers would go away.
They think that I am stupid enough to click
Their U.R.L.s and other ick.
Only four percent of tweets are spam.
But still I really want to slam
those spammers back into the can.
I spam block and report and tweet and tweet
that the spammers really aren't so neat.
The support team does its' best to ban
those pesky spammers promoting spam.

I do not like all this spammity spam.
I want to bang up the spammers with a BLAM.
I do not like things this way.
I want the spammers to go away.

But the spammers multiply day and night
In spite of what I do to fight
The accounts that pop up with a fright.
"Look what they said about you," they say.
I just want them to go away.
"You've been picked for this or that,"
A special prize or a chance to make a psychic's wallet fat.
Up goes the dot before their "at"
As I tweet about the latest scam
I don't care who they are but I know who I am.
I am not a fool born yesterday.

I do not like all this spammity spam.
I want to bang up the spammers with a BLAM.
I do not like things this way.
I want the spammers to go away.

Spammers in my mailbox and everywhere.
A spammer here and a spammer there.
Here a spammer, there some spam
promoting infected websites or some scam.
I think the spammers should get jobs with the government.
They are the same sort of miscreants
As the politicians who lie to our faces every day
About the actions of the N.S.A.
Spammers must think their lives are easy
But they turn my stomach and make me queasy
Thinking about scumbag spammers in a pan.

I do not like all this spammity spam.
I want to bang up the spammers with a BLAM.
I do not like things this way.
I want the spammers to go away.

Spammers are worse than cellulite.
Spammers are worse than a rabid dog bite.
Spammers are worse than stepping in shit,
A broken heel and then falling in it.
Spammers are worse than pimples full of pus.
Spammers are worse than being stuck
On a broken down bus in the muck.
Spammers are worse than corrupted kings.
Spammers are worse than many things.
Spammers are not as bad as the N.S.A.
But that is subject to change any day.

I do not like all this spammity spam.
I want to bang up the spammers with a BLAM.
I do not like things this way.
I want the spammers to go away.

I am on Twitter Inc. most every day
but I wish the spammers would go away.
They think that I am stupid enough to click
Their U.R.L.s and other ick.
Only four percent of tweets are spam.
But still I really want to slam
those spammers back into the can.
I spam block and report and tweet and tweet
that the spammers really aren't so neat.
The support team does its' best to ban
those pesky spammers promoting spam.

c 2014 and beyond. This bad poem may be reproduced as long as you give credit to 
   sapphoq for its' origin.