WHO'S THAT? 2/28/07

"Who's that man on the teevee?" I asked my husband last night.

He peered at me over yet another historical tome. "That's Dick Cheney, didn't you recognize him?"

"No. He didn't have a gun."

sapphoq n friends

VACATION 2/24/07

A doctor was on a beach at the Jersey shore and found a magic lantern, he rubbed it, and out pops a genie.

"I am a magic genie and I will grant you three wishes. But I am a New Jersey genie, and I also work for the lawyers. So you should know that what ever you wish for, every lawyer everywhere gets double."

"What is your first wish?"

The doc replies, "I would like a million dollars."

"It is done," replies the genie, "and every lawyer everywhere has two million dollars."

"Your second wish?"

The doc replies, "I would like a Porche Carrera."

"It is done," replies the genie, "and every lawyer everywhere has two Porche Carreras."

"and your third wish?"

The doc thinks a bit, and says,...

"You know, I've always wanted to donate a kidney."

lol sapphoq n friends

RULES FOR LIVING WITH PETS WHO ARE NOT IN TANKS 2/21/07

1. Put everything up and out of their reach.
2. Even after doing so, they will be able to get at it.
3. If you think they are not interested in something, you will quickly and painfully find out
otherwise.

I know this because one of the cats drank out hot chocolate from my mug the other night!

sapphoq n friends

CROSSROADS 2/20/07

In some popularized witch books, Hecate is described as being the goddess of the crossroads and it is suggested that folks leave raw eggs and honey and mishmash in the middle of crossroads so she can swoop down with her hounds [I confess to thinking of black Great Danes here with unnatural vicious fangs] and suck out the the essence of said offering.

In Hoodoo, the crossroads is a powerful thing and second to the graveyard in holding ritual rites.
From the Congo springs the origins of the even-armed cross inscribed by a circle which some pagans use today. It is called a dikenge.

Robert Farris Thompson has explained the meaning of this dikenge. The lines which form the cross touching the circle at the four cardinal directions are birth, early adulthood, old age, and death. The horizontal Kalunga line is the division of the land of the living above the line from the dwelling places of the dead. The Kalunga line inself is the ocean where some of the dead dwell. What is above the line in the land of the living is mirrored below the line, not in the sense of "reincarnation" or the wiccan "As above so below" but more in the sense of opposites. We walk upright on our feet. Dead folks walk on their hands. It is day light here. It is nighttime there. It is opposition in the sense of doing battle when invoking dead people. It is not representative of the four seasons, since the Congo knows only two. [The two seasons in the Congo are "wet" and "dry." Winter, Spring, Summer, Fall are not known there.] The exact center where the two lines intersect is the exact center of the crossroads, the place from which power springs.

The roots of Hoodoo remain firmly entrenched in the African diasporic religions. As the diasporic religions evolved, the crossroads gave birth to more complex crossroads and then a class of entities in Brazilian-style derivatives known as "People of the Crossroads" who are associated with people living street lives.

Sometimes we pagans and heathens and witches and wiccans think we got it going on with our Euro-centric translations of symbolism and hip beliefs about reincarnation. Hoodoo begs to inform us differently, that the people of the Congo used the equal-armed cross in a circle long before the people of Europe were even thought about. That this dikenge in its' purest form does not teach reincarnation. And that the phrase "As above so below" was borrowed by us from other ancient peoples and indeed it has a much deeper meaning than that which is ascribed to it in popular witch lit.

A big shout-out to Eoghan !
from sapphoq n friends


Any mistakes in this post are my own and are no reflection upon the scholarship of Robert Farris Thompson. Readers who are curious about Hoodoo are advised to consult with those who live Hoodoo daily. I am just a by-stander in that world.

All rites reserved. You do not have permission to reproduce this essay for any purpose including but not limited to quotation, citation, or review. You do have permission to provide a link to this essay.

PEANUT BUTTER 2/20/07

There is now a pagan blog wiki over on pb wiki. [pb = peanut butter.] The pagan blog wiki has been classified under the term "pagan theologies." Blogs written by pagans regarding some facet of paganism, or those which address some other subject from a pagan perspective are eligible for inclusion. Scroll down the page for an email addy to send your url to. http://healingtbi.sapphoq.com is now included in the fun.

sapphoq n friends

TOXIC BUNNIES, NOT FUNNY BUNNIES OR FLUFFY BUNNIES 2/19/07

Picking on people who are "different" or identified as "other" is not new to pagans nor to the world in general. Calling people names helps the process of creating barriers between people. That is not new either.

I've been reading a great book by James Waller called "Becoming Evil." His premise is that all of us are capable of extraordinary evil [like the Holocaust, mass regional genocides, etcetera] and he develops his premise with many examples. So far, it is a most excellent book and I do recommend it for anyone who is curious about that sort of thing.

The "fluffy bunny" stuff is far from extraordinary evil, however some of the same processes-- to a lesser degree-- are observable in any sort of teasing or shunning.

This mocking of eclectic witches and labeling has been going on long before 2007. I found references on the internet dating back to 2002-- some essays. A friend of mine sent me info on a yahoo "fluffy12-step recovery" group which had started in November of 2002 [although it has now degenerated into a place to send spam]. The further labeling of some of us as "toxic bunnies" is merely an attempt to kick it up a notch. [Emeril: the chef who is always taking his own recipe and "kicking it up a notch" comes to mind here].

It is all pretty laughable. And sad too that folks who are well-known within the pagan community and well-thought of would stoop to such levels. As an example, Daven himself is an A.D.F. druid and as such certainly possesses excellent scholarship skills and historical research skills. His actions and perceived actions do not obliterate his qualifications to teach others nor his hard work at his writing. He does indeed have talent and has been able to hone it into a name for himself on the web. It would be easy for me to ignore all of that and treat him as "other" by calling him names.

I endeavor not to call the folks engaged in "fluffy bunny/toxic bunny hunting" names because I do not want to become part of the process of dehumanization of others that they have become part of. That is probably the largest quarrel that my dear friend Blue Space and I have had because she prefers differently than I do.

I am not perfect. And I had been engaged in some underhandedness back in November, for which I have made my amends. At times I still have to tell myself to shut my mouth.

Ultimately, I will continue to live and enjoy my life and that is my hope for all of us. If I wind up labeled as a "toxic bunny," well so be it. As my libertarian atheist friend Nathaniel Branden says, "It's not about what other people think [about me], it's about what I KNOW." I know who I am.

sapphoq n friends

All rites reserved. You do not have permission to reproduce this essay for any purpose including but not limited to quotation, citation, or review. You do have permission to provide a link to this essay.

TWO COWS 2/15/07

thanks to Vegas for the joke and Mistress Sylvr Poet for the pic. sapphoq n friends

AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are

surprised when the cow drops dead.

A SOUTH AFRICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike because you want three cows. They get stolen, so you blame

the previous regime' and steal someone else's cows and shoot the owner.

A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION

A farmer has two cows.

You take over his farm, eat both cows and wait for the international

community to supply more.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-design them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and

produce twenty times the milk. You then create clever cow cartoon images

called Cowkimon and market them World-Wide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk

themselves.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You pray to them for food.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don't know where they are.

You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 12 cows

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to you.

You charge others for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and arrest the newsman

who reported the numbers.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left is kinda cute...

HAPPY UNHOLY LOVE DAY 2/15/07

A young man was smitten by a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately she
did, not return the feeling. In desperation he went and visited a group
of witches searching for a love potion. They informed him that they no
longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a
potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate
solution. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard
every night at midnight for a month. He returned to the
witches six weeks later excited and thankful. He and the young lady were
to wed in a month. The witch told him, . . . "Nothin says lovin' like
something from a coven. And pills buried say it best."

lol from sapphoq n friends

RESISTANT WITCHES 2/12/07

There is a new domain about town called http://www.resistant-witches.com/ created for those seeking refuge from witch wars and fluffy bunny hunts. The homepage indicates that a group of witches are refusing to be cowed by those within the pagan/alternative spiritualities community who would wish it otherwise. A rather vocal minority has been eager to slap about "toxic bunny" labels. sapphoq has had certain dealings with the mob and wishes resistant-witches all the best!

sapphoq n friends

HOSPITAL CHART BLOOPERS

1. The patient refused autopsy.

2. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

4. Note: patient here recovering from forehead cut. Patient became very angry when given an enema by mistake.

5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission.

10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

12. She is numb from her toes down.

13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home.

14. The skin was moist and dry.

15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

16. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

20. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

21. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

22. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

23. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

lol, sapphoq n friends

ON THE BUS 2/5/07

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite to her was smiling at her so she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.
The man seemed more amused.
When on the fourth move the man burst out laughing,
she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court. The judge asked the man what he had to say
for himself.
The man replied, "Well your Honor, it was like this:
When the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition.
She sat under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and
I grinned.
Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,
'Slogan's Liniment will reduce the swelling' and I had to smile.
Then she placed herself under a sign that said,
'William's Big Stick Did the Trick' and I could hardly contain myself. ...
BUT your Honor, when she moved the fourth time and sat under a sign
that said,
'Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this accident...'
I just lost it."

shout out to lady in reds from sapphoq n friends

ERNESTLY HELPING A LIZARD 2/3/07

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was
"something wrong" with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his
room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me. "I'm serious Dad, can
you help?"

I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into
his bedroom. One of the little lizards was indeed lying on his back,
looking stressed. I immediately knew what to do.
"Honey," I called,
"come look at the lizard!"
"Oh my! gosh," my wife diagnosed after a
minute. "She's having babies."
"What?" my son demanded. "But their names
are Bert and Ernie, Mom!"

I was equally outraged. "Hey, how can that be? I thought we said we
didn't want them to reproduce," I accused my wife.

"Well, what do you want me to do, post a sign in their cage?"
she inquired. (I actually think she said this sarcastically!)

"No, but you were supposed to get two boys!" I reminded her,
(in my most loving, calm, sweet voice, while gritting my teeth
together).

"Yeah, Bert and Ernie!" my son agreed.

"Well, it's just a little hard to tell on some guys, you
know,"
she informed me. (again with the sarcasm, you think?)

By now the rest of the family had gathered to see what was
going on.
I shrugged, deciding to make the best of it.

"Kids, this is going to be a wondrous experience," I
announced. "We're about to witness the miracle of birth."
"Oh, gross!" they shrieked.

"Well, isn't THAT just great! What are we going to do with a
litter of tiny little lizard babies?" my wife wanted to know. (I
really do think she was being snotty here, too. Don't you?)

We peered at the patient. After much struggling, what looked
like a tiny foot would appear briefly, vanishing a scant second
later.
"We don't appear to be making much progress," I noted.
"It's breech," my wife whispered, horrified.
"Do something, Dad!" my son urged.
"Okay, okay." Squeamishly , I reached in and grabbed the
foot when it next appeared, giving it a gentle tug.
It disappeared.
I tried several more times with the same results.

"Should I call 911," my eldest daughter wanted to know.
"Maybe they could talk us through the trauma."
(You see a pattern here with the females in my house?)

"Let's get Ernie to the vet," I said grimly.
We drove to the vet with my son holding the cage in his lap.
"Breathe, Ernie, breathe," he urged.
"I don't think lizards do Lamaze," his mother noted to him.
(Women can be so cruel to their own young.)

The Vet took Ernie back to the examining room and
peered at the little animal through a magnifying glass.
"What do you think, Doc, a C-section?" I suggested
scientifically.

"Oh, very interesting," he murmured. "Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,
may I speak to you privately for a moment?"
I gulped, nodding for my son to step outside.
"Is Ernie going to be okay?" my wife asked.

"Oh, perfectly," the Vet assured us. "This lizard is not in
labor. In fact, that isn't EVER going to happen.
Ernie is a boy. You see, Ernie is a young male.
And occasionally, as they come into maturity, like most male
species, they um....um....masturbate
just the way he did, lying on his back."

He blushed, glancing at my wife.
"Well, you know what I'm saying, Mr. Cameron."
We were silent, absorbing this.
"So Ernie's just...just... excited," my wife offered.
"Exactly," the vet replied, relieved that we understood.

More silence. Then my viscous, cruel wife started to giggle.
And giggle. And then even laugh loudly.
"What's so funny?" I demanded, knowing, but not believing
that the woman I married would commit the upcoming affront
to my flawless manliness.

Tears were now running down her face. Laughing "It's
just...that...I'm picturing you pulling on its... its...teeny
little..." she gasped for more air to bellow in laughter once
more.
"That's enough," I warned. We thanked the Vet and hurriedly
bundled the lizard and our son back into the car.

My son was glad everything was going to be okay.
"I know Ernie's really thankful for what you've done, Dad,"
he told me.
"Oh, you have NO idea,"

Closed mouth, my wife agreed, collapsing with laughter.
2 - Lizards - $140...
1 - Cage - $50...
Trip to the Vet - $30...
Memory of your husband pulling on a
lizard's winkie...Priceless !!!

Moral of the story:
finish biology class -
lizards lay eggs!

big shout out to Jellybean from sapphoq n friends

AMERICAN HISTORY 2/3/07

It was the first day of school and a new student named Pedro Martinez, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, "Lets begin by reviewing some American history. "Who said Give me Liberty, or give me Death?"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Pedro, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."

"Very good!" said the teacher. "Now, who said, Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"

Again, no response except from Pedro: "Abraham Lincoln, 1863."

The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed! Pedro, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do!"

She heard a loud whisper: "Screw the Mexicans!"

"Who said that?" she demanded.

Pedro put his hand up. "Jim Bowie, 1836."

At that point, a student in the back said, "Im gonna puke." The teacher glared and asked, "All right! Now, who said that?"

Again, Pedro answered, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."

Now furious, another student yelled, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"

Pedro jumped out of his chair waving his hand and shouting to the teacher, "Bill Clinton to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"

Now, with almost a mob hysteria, the teacher said, "If you say anything else, Ill kill you!"

Pedro frantically yelled at the top of his voice, "Gary Condit to Chandra Levy, 2001."

The teacher fainted, and as the class gathered around her on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, were in BIG trouble now!"

Pedro whispered, "Saddam Hussein, 2003."

Finally, someone threw an eraser at Pedro and another student shouted, "Duck"!

The teacher, just waking up and still a bit out of it, asked "Who said that?

Pedro: "Dick Cheney 2006!"

a big shout out to Kid John from sapphoq n friends

THEY LIVE AMONG US AND THEY VOTE 2/3/07

Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too untrusting of this deal.

It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read:

"Fridge for sale $50."

The next day someone stole it.

Caution...

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when

someone shouted....

"Look at that dead bird!"

Someone looked up at the sky and said..

"Where???"

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning.

She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?"

When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime. She shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.

One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open. I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."

He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"

Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific".

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think [she'd] get sunburned because the car was moving".

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car that's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.

She keeps it in the trunk...

My friends and I were on a beer run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases.

The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount on both....

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up.

She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands.

"Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"...

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding.

"Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.

a shout-out to "looney is me" from sapphoq n friends

HOPE YOU ARE ALL HAVING AN EXQUISITE DAY 2/3/07

TEXAS AND ILLINOIS 2/2/07

A Texas rancher met a farmer from Illinois one day. The Texan asked the farmer how big his place was.

The farmer pointed. "Well you start here by the edge of the barn, then go down the fence row to the bushes in the distance down there. Then across the back to that tree, then to the next big post and then back to here."

"I see," said the Texan.

The farmer looked up. "How big is your ranch?"

"Well," the Texan said, "I can get in my car in the morning and start driving west. The sun will set before I can get to the other side."

The farmer nodded. "I had a car like that once."

sapphoq n friends laughing on Bridgit's birthday