Purple Socks

When someone doesn't like my purple socks, it behooves me to ask them for specifics,

"What is it about my purple socks that you find is objectionable?"

If they reply,

"Your purple socks are old and faded and they don't match your outfit," or,

"They suck.  Anyone can see that," 

then I am free to say,

"Thank you for your input.  You have given me something to think about,"

and continue on my merry way with my purple socks.

On the other hand, they may say something like,

"Your purple socks are stiff with crud; I can smell them and they smell badly,"

that is something specific that I can choose to take action on.

When professionals or professional critics speak to you in generalizations such as,

"Your attitude is foul," or "bad" or "sucks," or;

"You are headed for a relapse," or

"You aren't ready for ______________ [fill in the blank],"

rather than get defensive, you can pin them down.

Ask them things like,

"What is it about my attitude that sucks?  Can you give me a specific example so that I can get help in improving it?"  Or,

"Please give me a concrete example of my behavior so I can understand what you are telling me."

When they are able to tell you,

"Your purple socks are dirty and they smell badly,"

that is something you can work with.  Congratulations.

If they cannot come up with an example of how you handled a situation or a specific measurable behavior, then you have to negotiate something else that you can work on.

sapphoq n friends in recovery from addictions