Showers of the Sexes

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN

1). Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks.
2). Walk to the bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed flesh and rush to the bathroom.
3). Look at your womanly physique in the mirror and stick out your gut so that you can whine about how you're getting fat.

4). Get in the shower, look for face cloth, long loofah, and pumice stone.
5). Wash your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.
6). Wash your hair again with Cucumber and Lamfrey shampoo with 83 added vitamins.

7). Condition your hair with Cucumber and Lamfrey conditioner.
8) . Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for ten minutes until red raw.
9). Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffra cake body wash.

10). Rinse conditioner off hair (taking fifteen minutes to make sure it has all come off).
11). Shave armpits and legs.
12). Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the water pressure and temperature changes.

13). Turn off the shower.
14). Squeegee off all the wet surfaces in the shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
15). Get out of shower and dry with towel the size of a small African country. Wrap hair in super absorbent second towel.

16) . Check entire body for remotest sign of a zit. Attack with nails/tweezers if found.
17). Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
18) . If you see your husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas and then rush to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.


HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
1). Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
2). Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way shake your wiener at her making the "Woo" sound.
3). Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to see if you have pecs (no). Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror.

4). Scratch your privates and smell your fingers for one last whiff.
5). Get in the shower.
6). Don't bother to look for a washcloth (you don't use one).

7). Wash your face.
8). Wash your armpits.
9). Crack up at how loud your fart sounds in the shower.

10). Wash your privates and surrounding area.
11). Wash you butt, leaving hair on soap bar.
12). Shampoo your hair (do not use conditioner).

13). Make a shampoo Mohawk of your hair..
14). Pull back shower curtain and look at yourself in the mirror.
15). Pee (in the shower).

16). Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole time.
17). Partially dry off.
18). Look at yourself in the mirror, flex muscles. Admire wiener size again.

19). Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
20). Leave bathroom fan and light on.
21). Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your wife, pull off the towel, grab your wiener, go "Yeah baby" and thrust your pelvis at her.

22). Throw wet towel on the bed. Take two minutes to get dressed.