sapphoq n friends: TWO FOR THE HORSES 1/27/07

Car Trouble

A man was driving through west Texas one spring evening. The road was deserted and he had not seen a soul for what seemed like hours. Suddenly his car started to cough and splutter and the engine slowly died away, leaving him sitting on the side of the road in total silence.

He popped the hood and looked to see if there was anything that he could do to get it going again. Unfortunately, he had a limited knowledge of cars, so all he could do was look at the engine, feeling despondent As he stood looking at the gradually fading light of his flashlight, he cursed that he had not put in new batteries, like he had promised himself.

Suddenly, through the inky shadows, came a deep voice, "It's your fuel pump."

The man raised up quickly, striking his head on the underside of the hood. "Who said that?" he demanded.

There were two horses standing in the fenced field alongside the road and the man was amazed when the nearest of the two horses repeated, "It's your fuel pump. Tap it with your flashlight, and try it again."

Confused, the man tapped the fuel pump with his flashlight, turned the key and sure enough, the engine roared to life. He muttered a short thanks to the horse and screeched away.

When he reached the next town, he ran into the local bar. "Gimme a large whiskey, please!" he said.

A rancher sitting at the bar looked at the man's ashen face and asked, "What's wrong, man? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"It's unbelievable," the man said and recalled the whole tale to the rancher.

The rancher took a sip of his beer and looked thoughtful. "A horse, you say? Was it by any chance a white horse?"

The man replied to the affirmative. "Yes, it was! Am I crazy?"

"No, you ain't crazy. In fact, you're lucky," said the rancher, "because that black horse don't know shit about cars."

What to Do With a Dead Horse

Most people, when they discover that they are riding a dead horse, dismount and get one that is alive instead.

However, those who work in governmental bureaucracies sometimes try other strategies:

1. Buying a bigger whip.
2. Switching riders.
3. Increasing the standards that need to be met by dead horses.
4. Saying things like "This is the way that we have always ridden this horse."
5. Appointing a committee to study the dead horse.
6. Blaming the horse's parents.
7. Waiting for the horse's condition to improve.
8. Acquiring additional dead horses for increased speed.
9. Taking bids for a state-of-the-art dead horse.
10. Declaring that "No horse is too dead to beat."
11. Arranging to visit other sites to see how they ride dead horses.
12. Providing additional funding to increase the horse's performance.
13. Declaring that the horse is "better, safer, and cheaper" dead.
14. Revising the performance standards for horses.
15. Passing legislation declaring "This horse is not dead."
16. Providing additional training to increase riding ability.
17. Commissioning a study to see if private contractors can ride it cheaper.
18. Removing all obstacles in the dead horse's path.
19. Saying that the horse was procured with cost as an independent variable.
20. Continue to purchase feed for the dead horse.
21. Shift the responsibility for the dead horse to another department.
22. Raising taxes (any excuse will do).

And if all else fails:

21. Promote the dead horse to a supervisory position.